They say that life should be about following what your heart really wants, following what your heart constantly desires, doing things that you love doing, taking a leap of faith in your life; and so many other related thoughts about DOING WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. It is easy as it may sound - "hey, just do whatever you want to do" - But how come when you're now there ready to take another step a bolt of lightning suddenly strikes in bringing you back to square one? Then you think. You contemplate. Then you think again. Too much thinking. Too much paranoia. Too much what ifs. Too much am i doing the right thing questions. Just too much of everything. And we get scared again.
I came across reading 2 amazing new entries from 2 different people in my life. One is T - she's one of my closest friends at work whom I share all my rants and raves about my life - well, work mostly. The other one is Ms. A - she's currently the boss of another section here in 7 and someone who has been my current inspiration to write again. 2 different people talking about the same thoughts as I have in my mind right now. CHANGE.
I got to leave work a little early yesterday after spending time like 11 hours working the whole day(oh yeah, that is my usual timetable at work every single day) and was able to have the chance to sit down with T in front of the 7 store while the cool air runs through our faces. Aaaah, I have missed those quiet moments. Moreso, I have missed the feeling of just chillaxing even for 15 minutes with the cool air around you, letting you take the time to breathe in LIFE. We talked about a certain someone on how we feel about sad about her and what has happend to her recently. Sad story indeed. Sad reality which is so hard to believe. Hope she's going to be alright in no time. Sometimes change is not good. Not good when you're NOT READY yet.
Moving on, T and I talked about how we are tired already with our daily routine at work and at home; how everyday feels to be a routine; no matter excited you are with what you can learn from work today - there is just SOMETHING pulling your hopes down; how we are not so sure about the place we are at right now, the growth we don't really see here; the place where you could tell yourself that you are indeed secured about your career. All these resulted to me AGAIN getting so confused and frustrated about everything no matter how passionate I am with my current job. I'm not even sure if I am still HAPPY. Am I? I don't know. I work so hard on this job not just because this is the me-way on how I work but because this is my passion - marketing+consumer goods? Almost perfect. The problem? No growth can be seen which from time to time leads my whole internal system to drain out. Something is just missing. You just know and feel that there is just something at a LOST out of all these.
I am lost. I am craving for a good change. I want to embrace this new change.
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